Merry Christmas To ALL!

As you were, I was. As I am, you will be

- "Hell's Angels", Hunter S. Thompson ( $ ) ( ? )

even samurai have teddy bears and even the teddy bears get drunk

- ?

I am pork boy, the breakfast monkey.

- All That

I don't advise a hair cut man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bold-headed men are uptight.

- Bruce Robinson, "Withnail And I" ( $ ) ( ? )

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children

- Classified Ad

"Some people may think you're cute, Babe. But to me you're one very large baked potato!" -- Sylvester Stallone in Death Race 2000

- Death Race 2000

you did your math strategies wrong. there is no missing dollar. the men started out with thirty, 25 of that is with the manager, 2 of it is with the bellhop and they each have one dollar.

- Emily

Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!

- Eric Cartman, "Southpark" ( $ ) ( ? )

If you're ever in doubt, throw a pepper in the air. If it fails to come down, you have gone mad, so don't trust in anything.

- Gregory Maguire, "Mirror Mirror" ( $ ) ( ? )

Yesterday I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know.

- Groucho Marx

I shot an elephant in my pants. How he got there I'll never know.

- Groucho Marx

rabbits clinkity, clinkity, clink. Hello Mr. Zebra can i have your sweater cause its cold cold cold in my hole hole hole.

- Guess Who

If you ever drop your keys into a pool of lava, forget about them, cuz man, they're gone

- Jack Handey

I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shoc k whenever we did something to disobey the president. Then somehow I get myself elected president.

- Jack Handey

I've been talking to dead rabbits and feeding bloody walls. I've done horrifying things with salad tongs. It's really eaten into my social life.

- Jhonen Vasquez

If purple monkeys weren't meant to fly then why do i only see them when I'm high?

- Joe

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to lay down on his back and float in it, then you have something.

- Joe E. Brown

And the people would eat up all the food, gobble, gobble, yum, yum, and it would become excrement and memories. What then for little Ecuador?

- Kurt Vonnegut, "Galapagos" ( $ ) ( ? )

What I want to know is where the hell can you get a hotel room for $25.00?

- Larry

"You know I always thought unicorns were fabulous creatures too, although I never saw one alive before." "Well, now that we have met," said the unicorn, "If you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."

- Lewis Carrol, "Throught The Looking Glass" ( $ ) ( ? )

Elephants are contagious.

- Paul Eluard

"If Pete fails the test, he'll look like a sucker and end up waxing floors like Cecil Tucker"

- Pete And Pete

To be great is to be misunderstood.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I didn't expect her to counter my plan with nakedness.

- Riff (Of Pete Abrams' Sluggy Freelance)

You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.

- Terry Pratchett

The leading thief glared at the solid stone that had swallowed Mort, and then threw down his knife. 'Well, ----me,' he said. 'A ----ing wizard. I HATE ----ing wizards!' 'You shouldn't ---- them, then,' muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes.

- Terry Pratchett, "Mort: A Discworld Novel" ( $ ) ( ? )

" you know what happens to popular people...They get fat"

- Unknown

The only thing that could stop a massive orgy is daylight or a bigger orgy down the street!

- Upright Citizen'S Brigade

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.