In some fit of sublime madness (if ever there was such a state) I wanted to become a TOTAL Jew. That was three weeks ago. Ironically, it was because of Pat Condell's anti-religion rants when he said : "I like the Jews, they do not mind anyone's business... " Thus, there I was studing every video by Rabbi Jonathan on YOU TUBE and trying to comprehend to the best of my rather warped abiilities what he was saying. It had gotten to the point when I started saying the words: "Hear Oh Israel The Lord Our God, is one.." TWO times a day, which isn't such a bad day starter frankly. So there I was soaking up everyhthing that this YOU TUBE Rabbi was saying on you tube and he had like more than a hundred lesson videos until I decided to make one comment out of sheer curiousity : "How does one convert?". That was IT. Next day I check my you tube email and I get an invitation to take Jewish lessons at the expense of something like a thousand dollars. Now, that made me AGAIN rethink my "state of sanity". It also made me wonder if completing a thousand dollar lesson would merit me being a bona fide and "certified" Jew. It also made me recall all those Christian Televangelists who promise salavation at a monetary price; those priests who sold indulgences in the past and made me wonder if the Scientology or the Pastafarianism is BEST.  I mean who can BEAT a "religion" that is based on something as cheap and tangible as noodles? It also made me wonder about MYSELF and wtf was I thinking (oh but I was serious, really).Of course, in all probability that Rabbi was NOT a REAL ONE (or is he????) but he sure was "good" except that anything that has three 000's after a numeral makes me prone to panic attacks. Thus, I have proven my point -- all religions are a business. And the answer is in a relationship with the Creator. Tho' I almost wanted so much to have "a religion". When judgement day comes, I can tell God : "I tried, but I was broke, I guess.." HUH????? Yah know what? I also realized that I love my Jewish friends so much (they're the smartest bunch believe me) that I ALMOST wanted to be one like them.  Such pragmatic people with a superb sense of both humor and history! Dang Pat Condell.. maybe I shouldn't be listening to that guy too much..... ((thinking))
 | Our closest Jewish friend comes to our house every Christmas to partake of pork products and to tell us the latest Jewish-American princess jokes... |
 | Isn't that exactly why we love them? their HUMOR ! How d you they survived 3000 years of history without it? |
| bugsey wrote on Jun 29, edited on Jun 29  He can be a Jew and eat pork at the same time,and nobody will get mad. Now dont we call that progress?  lmao! He must be a reformed Jew. Hey, Aukina, you were right about "some things" btw :) *winks* |
 | I was wondering where you had gone of to sweetie,just thought that you were busy fighting the Muslims.If I was you Bugsey I would start digging into your family tree roots, cos as far as I remember, you told me once that your grandma was Jewish, so that makes you Jewish all for free. Now you stay away from crooked Kabalistic rabbis for your Jewishness girl, all they do is sell you crap and get you of the small and narrow, Dive into your bible girl and let GOD tell you what to do, that is the only right way to become a real Jew. stop wanting to belong to what ever group, they all have phonies and real people, and you just get your head up, and say THANK YOU LORD GOD OF ISRAEL, for making ME ME, just the way I am. Did you know that GOD made you into HIS image?HE did!!!, the bible tells us so, so stop running after religious liars, and be happy to be a child of GOD AVENU MELECH HA OLAM (GOD our FATHER the king of the universe ) HE loves you just the way you are, and so do I.
Love Shalom and Blessings.
Aukina. |
| (we are dysfunctional!) Look what the bible says about being Jewish, its again the lying rabbis who said we are Jewish trough the mother , but according to the bible, every thing depends on the Father.Here in Israel they will tell you that if a Jew believes in Yeshua (Jesus ) than they are no longer Jews, this is a lie, just to cover-up that the Orthodox (Rabbis )are not longer Jews, cos they do not read the bible, but they answer to the Kabala(Satanism )and the Talmud, written by those same satanic Kabala teachers.They worship Satan, and not the GOD of Israel, but they are under the same spirit of false religion,as the Muslims, and you can see that in their actions. They are murderers and liars and just as the Muslims, they just divert your attention from the truth, by twisting every thing around.They are nothing better than those priests and evangelists who's only desire is money and power, cos that is their desire just as well. and if they feel they cant win then they go please just leave me alone, and respect my religion, while they are the ones who attack and curse every one ells who doesn't belong to their cult they all are confused, cos their brains are filled with Satanic Kabala crap, so the can not see the truth anymore, neither can they think straight. speaking about being dysfunctional duh!! |
 | I loved this blog , Bugsey. Imagine a Jew named Bugsey. Well Bugsey Siegel was Jewish, so you can be too. You don't have to be Jewish to say the Shema and you don't have to be Jewish to donate $1,000 to any cause. However if that cause is the Rabbi's pocket, that is something else.
All religions have their shams. If you truly wanted to be Jewish, you would have to pass the test.
1. Do you like chopped liver. If you said no deduct 10 pts.
2. Can you pronounce ch like you are coughing up phlem? |
| 3, Can you dance the hora?
4. Do you support Bnai Brith?
5. Are you a Jewish mother and give your children guilt feelings periodically?
6. Do you like Halvah or do you think that it tastes like sandpaper?
7. Have you ever eaten Matzo Balls and if you've ever made them do they sink or float in the soup?
well I know that you don't need circumcision so that is a plus for you. I can mention many other things for the test, but these will do. |
| bugsey wrote on Jun 29, edited on Jun 29 5. Are you a Jewish mother and give your children guilt feelings periodically?
6. Do you like Halvah or do you think that it tastes like sandpaper?
7. Have you ever eaten Matzo Balls and if you've ever made them do they sink or float in the soup? 5. Are you a Jewish mother and give your children guilt feelings periodically?
6. Do you like Halvah or do you think that it tastes like sandpaper?
7. Have you ever eaten Matzo Balls and if you've ever made them do they sink or float in the soup?
Five and Seven is a YES! And I have a Jewish grandmother who converted lmao! Anyway it was such an educational and hilarious experience!!! |
 | Best way to start your day.
"God is in His Heaven and all is right with the universe." |
 | The fact that he was so quick to "invite" you for a lesson, proves that his rabbinic credentials are rather suspect. Now having said that... how much would you pay? Just kidding!!! Just kidding!!! :)
Seriously, in Judaism we are supposed to seriously discourage any would be converts three times before we even consider talking about the requirements for conversion |
| For $49.95 you can be an ordained minister in The Church Of Mother Earth...why not start out with rank? Hold services at your home and declare it tax exempt...Join your friends in Holy Matrimony for fun and profit... make a fashion statement and wear a spiffy clerical collar... |
 | richsoil wrote on Jul 2, edited on Jul 2 Look what the bible says about being Jewish, its again the lying rabbis who said we are Jewish trough the mother , but according to the bible, every thing depends on the Father.Here in Israel they will tell you that if a Jew believes in Yeshua (Jesus ) than they are no longer Jews, this is a lie, just to cover-up that the Orthodox (Rabbis )are not longer Jews, cos they do not read the bible, but they answer to the Kabala(Satanism )and the Talmud, written by those same satanic Kabala teachers.They worship Satan, and not the GOD of Israel, but they are under the same spirit of false religion,as the Muslims, and you can see that in their actions. They are murderers and liars and just as the Muslims, I believe so that genealogy in the bible is based on father line. I have nephew, he has a Jew's blood from his mother (his mom is a Jew but muslim!), while his father is Christian - pure Indonesian from the tribe of Menadonesse. My nephew He chose to be Jew instead of mix Indonesian-Jew, and he is ortodox Jew...lately I have a lot different opionion with him...
He seems more in islamist side, as you said Aukina because he has the same spirit with them. He told me that islam & ortodox do believe in one God (not like Christian believe in 3 God...), have same ritual as "wudhu", Not eat pork...But poor him that he doesn't want to except that all of islamic observants want so bad to destroy Jews, or perhaps he wants to create sympathy to islamist so they won't kill him...
But he doesn't fair, he lives in Menado, part of Indonesia where the majority population there are Christian (about 90-95%) so he gets full protection there,
Imagine if he lives in place like Padang, Aceh where major population there are islamists ?!.
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| What are the condition for someone to be legally ordained as a rabbi? Is one have to be have a Yeshiva bacground? Howlong the education take to be a rabbi? Is it possible for one of around 25 years age become a rabbi ??? |
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